The Importance of Being Assertive: an essential tool for managers and how to develop yours

In the lead-up to my Assertiveness Webinar early last month

I was interviewed by Fiona Lewis, a highly successful internet marketer and entrepreneur for her podcast series on the topic of Assertiveness.

You Can Listen To The Podcast Here:


And, whilst, this is really BIG topic, I thought I’d sit down and pen a few lines to give you some tips and ideas on understanding the pain of doing it as well as how to use it more powerfully and positively to grow your confidence and relationships with others.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING ASSERTIVE IN YOUR PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL LIFE

If you have ever felt like you didn’t give something your best or you would have liked a second chance to say something to someone in a different way, then that is your cue that you should have been assertive.

It is important to understand that being assertive doesn’t mean you assert yourself at every given opportunity. That would be called “aggressive behaviour”.

Assertiveness is saying what you want and mean to say in a way that is respectful and mindful of the person you are interacting with.

And, for the sake of peace and harmony in life, asserting yourself is about ensuring balance and learning which battles to fight and which wars to stay away from. You don’t need to assert yourself at every opportunity.

The consequence of not asserting yourself is that you create self-doubt, self-anger and may even have anger and other negative emotions towards others. All of which results in stress. And, stress is a growing phenomenon in the modern world, with figures of depression, disease and break-down in relationships seemingly spiralling out of control.

Presenteeism is the loss of productivity that occurs when an employee comes to work but is too ill or otherwise affected to be productive. Six days per year are lost on average per employee to presenteeism and three point two days a year are lost per employee due to stress related absence.

A Newspoll Omnibus Survey commissioned by Lifeline Australia (2008) indicated that

The great news is that if you are able to stay calm, control your emotions and speak honestly and openly, you more often than not get a good result AND stay on top of your stress both personally and professionally.

HOW DO YOU CREATE BALANCE AROUND ASSERTIVENESS?

By becoming more aware of the signals your mind, body and brain are giving you when you are in a conversation with someone, you will learn to recognise and decide when an assertive approach is needed.
Some examples could include:

SIGNALS COULD INCLUDE:

When all 3 (emotions, body and brain) of these elements come together, you experience stress. Your brain releases cortisol, the stress hormone and things start to go downhill….

By recognising the signals as they start to happen, you can start to take back your control and limit the pain and damage that happens when you react.

You can make the choice to assert yourself or you could choose to walk away and let the issue go. It’s really all up to you.

WHY DON’T PEOPLE ASSERT THEMSELVES MORE?

There are so many reasons why people don’t speak up more, but often it has to do with our need to be socially connected with others. We are wired for human connection. And, when that connection is threatened, we often move into lock down or ramp up mode (flight or fight).

And for a lot of us, particularly in a work scenario, it would be a seriously career limiting move to ramp up and start shouting and throwing things around! So, very often we resort to passive-aggressiveness or passive resistance.

Either way, this response is not helpful for you or the situation because you are not being open and honest. Over time, this starts to affect your self-esteem (the picture you have of yourself) which in turn affects your levels of confidence and being able to resolve your personal and professional issues.

One of the most common reasons people hold back from speaking up is due to what I call the FEAR Factor

And, the reality is that we may very well lose a relationship when we stand up for ourselves and remain true to our integrity. We cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves and the way we react and respond in relationships.

The great news is that if you are able to stay calm, control your emotions and speak honestly and openly, you more often than not get a good result.

THE MOVE FROM PAIN TO POWER IS ABOUT RIDING THE WAVE

USING THE POWER OF PAUSE TO DEVELOP SELF-AWARENESS

One of the ways I advocate to developing your self-awareness is taking the time to pause every day. If you take few minutes at the end or beginning of each day to reflect on what’s happened and your response to situations, you are able to gather important information to help you solve the challenges you face.

You can move yourself from the pain of emotion to the power of self-control.

And this is a good thing. For your self-esteem and confidence and the relationships in both your professional and personal life.

Each small win builds your confidence in yourself that you CAN overcome each and every challenge you face. This in turn creates momentum in all areas of your life, as Fiona shares in the podcast.

SO, NOW IT’S OVER TO YOU…..

- What tips do you have for controlling your emotions in difficult situations?

- What success stories have you got around having an assertive conversation that ended positively?

In the lead-up to my Assertiveness Webinar early last month

I was interviewed by Fiona Lewis, a highly successful internet marketer and entrepreneur for her podcast series on the topic of Assertiveness.

You Can Listen To The Podcast Here:


And, whilst, this is really BIG topic, I thought I’d sit down and pen a few lines to give you some tips and ideas on understanding the pain of doing it as well as how to use it more powerfully and positively to grow your confidence and relationships with others.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING ASSERTIVE IN YOUR PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL LIFE

If you have ever felt like you didn’t give something your best or you would have liked a second chance to say something to someone in a different way, then that is your cue that you should have been assertive.

It is important to understand that being assertive doesn’t mean you assert yourself at every given opportunity. That would be called “aggressive behaviour”.

Assertiveness is saying what you want and mean to say in a way that is respectful and mindful of the person you are interacting with.

And, for the sake of peace and harmony in life, asserting yourself is about ensuring balance and learning which battles to fight and which wars to stay away from. You don’t need to assert yourself at every opportunity.

The consequence of not asserting yourself is that you create self-doubt, self-anger and may even have anger and other negative emotions towards others. All of which results in stress. And, stress is a growing phenomenon in the modern world, with figures of depression, disease and break-down in relationships seemingly spiralling out of control.

Presenteeism is the loss of productivity that occurs when an employee comes to work but is too ill or otherwise affected to be productive. Six days per year are lost on average per employee to presenteeism and three point two days a year are lost per employee due to stress related absence.

A Newspoll Omnibus Survey commissioned by Lifeline Australia (2008) indicated that

The great news is that if you are able to stay calm, control your emotions and speak honestly and openly, you more often than not get a good result AND stay on top of your stress both personally and professionally.

HOW DO YOU CREATE BALANCE AROUND ASSERTIVENESS?

By becoming more aware of the signals your mind, body and brain are giving you when you are in a conversation with someone, you will learn to recognise and decide when an assertive approach is needed.
Some examples could include:

SIGNALS COULD INCLUDE:

When all 3 (emotions, body and brain) of these elements come together, you experience stress. Your brain releases cortisol, the stress hormone and things start to go downhill….

By recognising the signals as they start to happen, you can start to take back your control and limit the pain and damage that happens when you react.

You can make the choice to assert yourself or you could choose to walk away and let the issue go. It’s really all up to you.

WHY DON’T PEOPLE ASSERT THEMSELVES MORE?

There are so many reasons why people don’t speak up more, but often it has to do with our need to be socially connected with others. We are wired for human connection. And, when that connection is threatened, we often move into lock down or ramp up mode (flight or fight).

And for a lot of us, particularly in a work scenario, it would be a seriously career limiting move to ramp up and start shouting and throwing things around! So, very often we resort to passive-aggressiveness or passive resistance.

Either way, this response is not helpful for you or the situation because you are not being open and honest. Over time, this starts to affect your self-esteem (the picture you have of yourself) which in turn affects your levels of confidence and being able to resolve your personal and professional issues.

One of the most common reasons people hold back from speaking up is due to what I call the FEAR Factor

And, the reality is that we may very well lose a relationship when we stand up for ourselves and remain true to our integrity. We cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves and the way we react and respond in relationships.

The great news is that if you are able to stay calm, control your emotions and speak honestly and openly, you more often than not get a good result.

THE MOVE FROM PAIN TO POWER IS ABOUT RIDING THE WAVE

USING THE POWER OF PAUSE TO DEVELOP SELF-AWARENESS

One of the ways I advocate to developing your self-awareness is taking the time to pause every day. If you take few minutes at the end or beginning of each day to reflect on what’s happened and your response to situations, you are able to gather important information to help you solve the challenges you face.

You can move yourself from the pain of emotion to the power of self-control.

And this is a good thing. For your self-esteem and confidence and the relationships in both your professional and personal life.

Each small win builds your confidence in yourself that you CAN overcome each and every challenge you face. This in turn creates momentum in all areas of your life, as Fiona shares in the podcast.

SO, NOW IT’S OVER TO YOU…..

- What tips do you have for controlling your emotions in difficult situations?

- What success stories have you got around having an assertive conversation that ended positively?