How to Utilise Conflict at Work to Get Better Results

Today I want to talk to you about something that makes most leaders uncomfortable — conflict.

Conflict is a topic I deliver on regularly, and I'll be honest with you: it's a difficult one. Not because the concept is complicated, but because our past experiences with conflict shape how we respond to it — often before we've even had a chance to think.

Our gut reaction is rarely logical. Sometimes it's "I want to flee this situation." Sometimes — if we're being really honest — it's closer to "I want to tear your eyeballs out."

Neither of those responses is particularly useful in the workplace.

Here's what I want to offer you instead: a framework for understanding exactly where your conflict is sitting — so you can choose a strategy that actually works.

Why Learning How to Utilise Conflict at Work Matters

Most leaders treat conflict as something to be eliminated. But the research — and 30 years of working alongside leaders in high-pressure environments — tells a different story.

Conflict, handled well, is one of the most powerful catalysts for team growth, innovation and trust. The problem isn't the conflict itself. It's that most people don't know how to read it — or intervene at the right moment.

Think about Michael Jordan and his Chicago Bulls teams in the 1990s. Those teams were famous for internal friction. Jordan was notoriously demanding — pushing teammates, challenging coaches, creating tension in training. By many accounts, it was deeply uncomfortable. And yet Phil Jackson, the Bulls' coach, didn't try to eliminate that tension. He channelled it. He understood what kind of conflict was productive and what kind was destructive — and he intervened accordingly.

The result? Six NBA championships.

The lesson: it's not about avoiding conflict. It's about knowing which level you're dealing with — and responding accordingly.

The 5 Levels of Conflict at Work

Here are the five levels that conflict moves through in any workplace relationship. If you can identify where your conflict currently sits, you can work out exactly what to do about it.

Level 1: Discomfort

This is where conflict begins — quietly, almost invisibly.

Something has happened. It was small and probably insignificant. You didn't like it, but you walked away without it leaving any lasting impression. A comment that landed oddly. A meeting where you felt overlooked. A decision that didn't sit right.

Most leaders either miss this level entirely or dismiss it. That's the mistake. Discomfort is the earliest and easiest point to address conflict — before it has any real energy behind it.

What to do: Name it to yourself first. "I felt dismissed in that meeting." Acknowledging the discomfort internally is the first step to deciding whether it needs addressing — or whether it genuinely doesn't matter.

Level 2: Incident

If discomfort isn't acknowledged, conflict moves to the next level: an incident.

This is where a sharp, short exchange happens between you and another person. Words are said. Tension flares briefly. Then, on the surface, it passes — no lasting impression, you tell yourself.

But here's what's actually happening: your brain has now logged this person as a potential source of threat. You're watching them differently, even if you don't realise it yet.

What to do: This is still a relatively easy level to address. A direct, calm conversation — "Hey, I want to clear the air about what happened earlier" — can resolve an incident quickly if you move on it fast. The longer you leave it, the harder it becomes. Check out these tips for working with domineering coworkers if the incident involved someone who tends to dominate.

Level 3: Misunderstanding

This is where conflict starts to get genuinely dangerous — and it's the level most leaders underestimate.

A misunderstanding occurs when you begin to interpret the other person's behaviour through the lens of your previous discomfort and incident. You're no longer seeing them clearly. You're seeing them through a filter.

If I walk away from an incident thinking "that person is untrustworthy," I will struggle to see you as trustworthy going forward — regardless of what you actually do. My perception has shifted. And perception, in the workplace, becomes reality very quickly.

What to do: The key at this level is to separate fact from interpretation. Ask yourself: "What do I actually know, versus what am I assuming?" A structured conversation that invites the other person's perspective — not to agree, but to understand — is essential here.

Level 4: Tension

If the misunderstanding isn't addressed, tension sets in.

Tension is where you start walking on eggshells. You're not sure what's going to set the other person off. You're not sure how to speak to them. You start behaving in ways that aren't congruent with who you are — overly careful, overly formal, or perhaps overly aggressive as a defence mechanism.

This is the level that costs organisations the most. Tension spreads. Other team members pick it up. Meetings become stilted. Collaboration suffers. Productivity drops. And leaders often can't quite put their finger on why.

What to do: At tension level, self-awareness becomes critical. Understanding your own behavioural style under pressure — how you naturally respond when you feel threatened or cornered — is the difference between escalating the situation and de-escalating it. This is exactly what the Signature Leadership Style Quiz is designed to reveal.

Level 5: Crisis

The final level of conflict is crisis — and by the time you're here, the damage is already significant.

At its most extreme, a crisis ends in termination, legal action, or the complete breakdown of a working relationship. More commonly, it ends careers quietly — through a reputation that precedes you, a team that stops performing, or a leadership opportunity that never quite materialises.

The important thing to understand about crisis is that it was almost always preventable. Every crisis has a Level 1 discomfort somewhere in its history that was ignored.

What to do: At crisis level, you need external support — a mediator, an HR professional, or a coach. This is not the time for self-directed resolution. If you're here, the priority is containment and then rebuild.

How to Utilise Conflict at Work — The Practical Summary

Here's what I want you to take away from this framework:

Conflict is not the enemy. Unmanaged conflict is.

The leaders who get this right — the Michael Jordans, the Phil Jacksons — aren't conflict-free. They're conflict-literate. They know how to read a room, identify the level they're dealing with, and intervene at the right moment with the right approach.

That's a learnable skill. And it starts with self-awareness.

If you find yourself regularly hitting Level 3, 4 or 5 in your workplace relationships, the question worth asking isn't "why does this keep happening?" It's "how does my behavioural style under pressure contribute to this pattern?"

Want to Understand How Your Style Shapes Your Response to Conflict?

Your behavioural style has a direct impact on how you experience and respond to conflict at every level — from the discomfort you dismiss to the crisis you never saw coming.

The free Signature Leadership Style Quiz takes less than 5 minutes and gives you your primary leadership style — including how your style typically shows up under pressure and in conflict situations.

Take the free Signature Leadership Style Quiz →

Related Reading

If you recognised yourself in these 5 levels, you might also want to explore:

1- Are You Conflict Averse at Work? Discover 5 Ways to Get Better at It — understanding why you avoid conflict is the first step to doing something about it.

2- How to Overcome Communication Challenges — 21 practical tips for leaders navigating difficult conversations.

3- Tips for Working with Domineering Coworkers — specific strategies for the most challenging workplace personalities.